Land without rent to you.
A child every year to you.
And if you can't go to heaven,
May you at least die in Ireland.
May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
Drink is the curse of the land: It makes you fight with your neighbor, it makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him.
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!
May you die in bed at 95 years,
Shot by a jealous wife!
May your health be like the capital of Ireland --
A toast to your coffin.
May it be made of 100 year old oak.
And may we plant the tree together, tomorrow.
Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer -- and another one!
We are all of us in the gutter.
But some of us are looking at the stars.
--Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow, than to spend tonight like there's no money.
This [the Irish] is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.
God made the Italians for their beauty. The French for fine food. The Swedes for intelligence. The Jews for religion. And on and on until he looked at what he had created and said, "This is all very fine but no one is having fun. I guess I'll have to make me an Irishman."
If you're enough lucky to be Irish, you're lucky enough!
I've drank to your health in taverns,
I've drank to your health in my home,
I've drank to your health so damn many times,
I believe I've ruined my own!
There are good ships, and there are wood ships,
The ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships, are friendships,
And may they always be.
In life, there are only two things to worry about, either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about; either you will live, or you will die. If you live, there is nothing to worry about, if you die, you have two things to worry about; either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry!
What is Irish diplomacy?
It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell,
So that he will look forward to making the trip.
In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.